November 2013

So let me catch you up. My last real blog entry was early November. 

A friend and fellow "family blogger" lost her daughter to SIDS in early November.  Knowing someone who has lost a child stops a mother in her tracks. It is the worst kind of reality check. Not to mention I was pregnant with my third, while she's grieving the loss of hers. There are no words when it comes to this; any mother can silently fill in the emotions that someone would feel. It's not fair that her arms are empty and her heart is forever broken. Blogging about my pregnancy and baby after learning of Ellie's death just didn't feel right.

*****************************************************************************************************

This past fall, Tuesdays became the day I would pick Caedmon and Savannah up from school and drive to my parents house. As we got deeper into November, my Dad's condition began to deteriorate. I started questioning whether or not to keep bring the kids. It was obvious his condition was making Savannah uncomfortable. Meanwhile Caedmon was trying to remain strong and brave, but even at 32 years old it was hard for me to see the changes in him - I knew a 7 year old was struggling too.

Sadly I didn't have to make this decision. On November 27, the same day as my wedding anniversary and the night before Thanksgiving, I received a call from my Aunt telling me I needed to come home. Matt and I arrived at my parents around 8pm. Surrounded by my mom, myself, Matt and a few family friends, my Dad passed away. I stood there and watched as he took his final breath. It's an imagine I'll never forget. One that I never want to forget, yet one I wish I never happened.

I have so many feelings and emotions about his death and I'm sure as I begin to blog again I'll delve deeper into these feelings and questions that are in my head and heart.

******************************************************************************************************

I also need to give praise to my husband who surprised me on our 9th wedding anniversary (and the day my Dad died) with this gem. I never though I'd be glad to have a mini van but I am. It's awesome and lets face it - I have three kids...a van is kinda expected.

Stand by....catching up is time consuming.

**I've backed dated this post due to my OCD; this post was originally composed in late February and early March 2014.