10 on Tuesday: Confessions

I'm mixing it up in here; keeping it real! Living on the edge. {grin}

 

1. I confess it's exactly one week before Christmas, yet it doesn't feel like Christmas at all. Despite the tree and decorations, the holiday music, the concerts at the kids' schools, the Christmas cards, the 8,000 Christmas trees I've drawn for the kids, the presents I've bought, the presents I've wrapped, and the Christmas cookies we've baked...this Christmas seems a little empty. I'm vowing now to make the next 7 days "Everything Christmas." I don't know how this will look yet, but I'll get there.

 

2. I confess that everyday it gets a little easier to wake up and accept what happened in CT. But I also confess I actually hope my heart never completely heals. That rawness that I feel...well it's made me a better mother, a better wife, a better human and a better Christian these last 4 days. I don't mean this in a selfish way; I mean this in a perspective way.

 

3. I confess that I bought the kids an extra Christmas gift yesterday, last minute. Caedmon wanted a NY Giants jersey like Matt's. I really wanted to buy him a Victor Cruz jersey because I find him to be a stand up guy (especially after reading about the Jack Pinto story; if you don't know what I'm talking about go here: Jack Pinto.) However, when I asked Caedmon who his favorite player is, he said Eli. I kept my wants out of this and bought him a little #10 jersey. Since I bought Caedmon something, I had to keep it even. I ordered Savannah a NY Giants cheerleader outfit. I'm not sure if she'll like it or not.

 

4. I confess I'm abusing the heck out of my Amazon Prime account this christmas. Free two day shipping...sure, why not!

 

5. I confess that I'm worried about my Dad. He's recovering from his bladder removal surgery okay, but it's everything else that's he's having a hard time with. Last week he had gout in both feet and his elbow. Originally, when he had gout in just one foot, my mom bought him a walker. A walker??!!?! Soon enough he was couch riden to the point she even had to wash his hair from the couch. On top of that his blood sugar is all over the place; it was over 600 Saturday which of course meant a trip to the ER. His second trip to the ER in one week. It's hard watching your parents suffer.

 

6. I confess I don't really know how to be when it comes to my Dad. Should I visit? Will I be in the way? Do they want company? If I visit, for how long? Should I bring them dinner? Should I just send flowers to let them know we're praying for them? It's just weird and awkward. It's like seeing my Dad right after surgery...what do you talk about? Do you talk at all? Do you just sit with them? I don't want them to feel like they need to entertain me.

 

7. I confess I'm quite happy with where I am at work right now. Sure there are things that I wish were different, but for the most part I do my job and stay out of the drama and politics, I have my flex schedule which I LOVE, and I have a little added responsibility with the team lead position. It's enough for me right now.

 

8. I confess that I'm really bad about finishing "Self Help" type books. I started reading Unglued about 2 months ago. I'm about 1/3 of the way thru it and I haven't opened it in a month. It's on my nightstand. I want to finish it, and I will, but I don't think I've ever finished a book that isn't fiction.

 

9. I confess I'm trying to keep my old Dell laptop alive, despite numerous signs that it's fading. I've recently replaced the power cord, a new battery is en route, and I ordered a new wireless USB thingy for it because the one I have is barely hanging on and keeps breaking. I should backup my photos before this thing bites the dust. Obviously, I haven't made my new laptop purchase. I don't know what my hold up is.

 

10. I confess that my kids ate nothing but Tater Tots for dinner last night.