In between Nicole’s and HeeJun’s death and even after, death still seemed to haunt us. Most recently my dad called me at work (a sure sign someone has died) to tell me that the son of a member of our church had been shot and killed. I’ve known Landon since he was close to Caedmon’s age. We attended the same church growing up. I can picture his parents, always smiling, sitting in their pew at church.
Landon was 21 years old, a rising senior at the same college Matt and I attended. Early one morning last week he became a victim in a drive-by shooting. He wasn’t the intended target, just an innocent bystander. In a matter of seconds, his life was over and his family's lives were changed forever.
Landon’s death hit home for me because it was only seven years ago I was in his place. I can easily recall the comfort and easiness of downtown on a warm summer night, the life of a college student finishing up the first summer school session. But as a parent I can’t begin to imagine the heart break his parents are feeling knowing they can never touch their son again or hear his voice once more due to such a senseless act. He’s gone, forever.
Landon was 21 years old, a rising senior at the same college Matt and I attended. Early one morning last week he became a victim in a drive-by shooting. He wasn’t the intended target, just an innocent bystander. In a matter of seconds, his life was over and his family's lives were changed forever.
Landon’s death hit home for me because it was only seven years ago I was in his place. I can easily recall the comfort and easiness of downtown on a warm summer night, the life of a college student finishing up the first summer school session. But as a parent I can’t begin to imagine the heart break his parents are feeling knowing they can never touch their son again or hear his voice once more due to such a senseless act. He’s gone, forever.
As I watch my children and think about Landon and his family or any family that has lost a child, I can't even begin to fathom the intensity of the pain they must feel knowing it will be a lifetime until they are together again.
With the news of Landon’s death, I again began asking all too familiar questions. As I laid in bed one night talking to Matt I told him I felt like I was constantly making up new ‘rules’ in order to keep my faith. “I feel like I’m cheating my faith” was the exact phrase I said. Every time something tragic happened I had to make a new rule as to why it happened and why it’s still okay to have faith through such heartbreak.
As Matt and I talked our way through life, death, and faith I came to the realization that I don’t make new rules for my faith. Rather it's my faith that allows healing no matter what the story is that surrounds the death.
With the news of Landon’s death, I again began asking all too familiar questions. As I laid in bed one night talking to Matt I told him I felt like I was constantly making up new ‘rules’ in order to keep my faith. “I feel like I’m cheating my faith” was the exact phrase I said. Every time something tragic happened I had to make a new rule as to why it happened and why it’s still okay to have faith through such heartbreak.
As Matt and I talked our way through life, death, and faith I came to the realization that I don’t make new rules for my faith. Rather it's my faith that allows healing no matter what the story is that surrounds the death.
~ Amanda
3 comments:
That was beyond powerful Mc....
All of us have our own demons, our own questions.... I thank God all the time for the peace he brings...
I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me." Phillippians 4:13
I loved this blog series... I really did!!!
That was a great couple of posts! Everyone has their doubts every now and then, but God can give any amount of peace that we need and pray for!
Oh Amanda!
I know how difficult it is to have faith when there seems to be so much sadness and questions surrounding our lives. I remember our pastor telling me it is OK to be angry with God because He can handle it. I found it was easy to have faith each time Jack pulled through another close call and the toughest time to have faith is when I sit here trying to find a way to survive the pain of his death. I don't have the answers but I hope in the end that I can live by Jack's example..his short but powerful nearly 3 years on this earth taught me more about faith than anything else. He believed and he wants mommy to keep her faith. Sorry this is a book. Just some random thoughts. I am so sorry you are going through so many deaths but I HAVE got to believe that all of your loved ones and Jack are in the most perfect place and one day we will know the peace and love they are now surrounded by. HUGS!
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