What is it they say...two steps forward, one step back?
That saying is so appropriate for my life right now. Just when you think you're all grown up and ready to take on the world with your head held high - reality is there to slap you in the face, hard!
I once took this leadership course and on the first day there was a small sign that read, "What are you pretending not to notice?" Over the course of the next 5 days, the sign grew larger and larger. Somedays I feel like I'm sitting back in that training, starring at the sign wondering what it means. Of course this class was over 5 years ago when my parents still supported me, I was in college, living in a duplex with a kick ass roommate, I had a wonderful boyfriend, no real responsibilities, and the world was at my fingertips.
How quickly times change. Maybe I should rephrase that to read how quickly we grow up. That rite of passage that is known as college graduation really feeds you to the wolves. I've always prided myself on being fairly independent- never really asking for money from my parents, paying my bills on my own and on time, buying my first house at the ripe young age of 23, married by 24, first child by 25, second house and second baby by 26, and here I sit, 27 years old, wondering when life got so hard.
My children are the most important thing in the world to me. I love them more than life itself. I pride myself on being the best mother I can be, while other relationships probably suffer more because of this (sorry Matt!). I've never regretted marrying Matt and having our children at a young age...never, not for an instant. But every now and then I'll have a day (or two days...okay fine, or a week or so) where I feel like my life is so out of control in every way possible.
That saying is so appropriate for my life right now. Just when you think you're all grown up and ready to take on the world with your head held high - reality is there to slap you in the face, hard!
I once took this leadership course and on the first day there was a small sign that read, "What are you pretending not to notice?" Over the course of the next 5 days, the sign grew larger and larger. Somedays I feel like I'm sitting back in that training, starring at the sign wondering what it means. Of course this class was over 5 years ago when my parents still supported me, I was in college, living in a duplex with a kick ass roommate, I had a wonderful boyfriend, no real responsibilities, and the world was at my fingertips.
How quickly times change. Maybe I should rephrase that to read how quickly we grow up. That rite of passage that is known as college graduation really feeds you to the wolves. I've always prided myself on being fairly independent- never really asking for money from my parents, paying my bills on my own and on time, buying my first house at the ripe young age of 23, married by 24, first child by 25, second house and second baby by 26, and here I sit, 27 years old, wondering when life got so hard.
My children are the most important thing in the world to me. I love them more than life itself. I pride myself on being the best mother I can be, while other relationships probably suffer more because of this (sorry Matt!). I've never regretted marrying Matt and having our children at a young age...never, not for an instant. But every now and then I'll have a day (or two days...okay fine, or a week or so) where I feel like my life is so out of control in every way possible.
Let me count the ways:
Financially:
Do I have to explain that one? Too much going out and not enough coming in.
Career:
Career:
Too much work; Too little time; and I am only one person
Household:
Household:
It's a miracle if we wash and dry clothes and get them folded within 48 hours from the time we started them.
Communication:
Just general break downs, mostly my fault because I'm too tired to thoroughly explain myself
Emotionally:
Emotionally:
When start to think that you maybe doing ok, sadness can consume you at the drop of a dime (a smell - Lemon Girl Scout cookies; a song - Sarah McLachlan, Michael Buble', Marc Broussard; a certain individual...)
Exhaustion:
Exhaustion:
Please refer to the above 4 issues
I guess sometimes it takes a breakdown in order to restructure your life and regain order and control. The important thing is that we do pull ourselves back up from the edge and at the end of the day the only thing that matters to me is that I have a family to go home to, and I've tried to be the best person I could be that day.
Happy 5 month old Birthday Savannah Lake - a day late!
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