A Slight Victory

I’ve never had a six year old before. I don’t know what’s normal and what’s not. But what I do know is that I don’t want to raise a jerk of a child and I don’t want him to turn into a jerk of a man.

Maybe it’s a phase that all kids go through, testing us to see which bratty ways work best in order to get their way, but I can tell you…there are moments when I seriously question my parenting abilities and wonder where we went wrong. And he’s only 6.

Our biggest issue with Caedmon is his reaction when we ask something of him, punish him or just give him sound feedback.

He folds his arms; his head turns down, his brow furrows. He then spews from the mouth; he’s verbally passive aggressive – “Fine, I’ll just stay in my room forever and never eat dinner again. You don’t love me.” I guess he thinks if he acts like this, we’ll cave and let him pick the movie or not make him do his homework or let him eat 3 different desserts. His logic escapes me. 

Matt and I were (heck, we still are) at a loss as to what we should do. Reasoning with him isn’t working. Explaining why his behavior isn’t appropriate isn’t working. Ignoring him isn’t working. Does he need to talk to someone? Does he have some vitamin deficiency? Is this a sign of something more serious? I mean this outburst happen 5 times a day, easily and has really started to hamper how I view my time with him.

So of course, I did what any 21st Century mother would do…I turned to the internet. I came across this site Empowering Parents, specifically this article, and shared the highlights with Matt:

• Remain calm. Don’t react to him reacting.
• Let him know we will not discuss this as long as he is raising his voice to us.
• If he continues, ask him if he’s bullying us with his words.

You see, one of the nice things about using the word “bully” is the school system is very anti-bullying. He knows very well what constitutes bullying, what to do if you’re being bullied or see someone who is bullying or being bullied.

  

As Matt helped Caedmon with his homework last night, Matt asked Caedmon to rewrite something because it was sloppy. Of course this set Caedmon off into this typical tantrum. I then hear Matt say something to Caedmon to the effect of “We are not going to discuss if you are raising your voice and acting like this.” To which Caedmon had some fresh, mouthy remark. Matt then asked him “Are you bullying me?” A slightly confused Caedmon asked “What?” Matt replied “Are you bullying me with your words? Because that is what it feels like.” Immediately, Caedmon said “No, that’s not what I’m trying to do.” And that was that. Just as quickly and he replied No, he was back to his homework. There was no stomping off, no verbal vomit, no tears shed. He remained emotionally intact and finished his homework.

  

Matt and I just looked at each other in amazement and silently laughed (and maybe did a small victory dance inside).

 

In fact, he was quite pleasant to be around the rest of the night and this morning.