Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at
Ummm...not yelling, not forgetting things, preventing tantrums, making everyone happy...
You know five years ago, I would have said I would have been a kick ass parent. I mean how hard could it be...feed them, keep them healthy, don't let them play with knives...and love them. Ha! HA HA HA!
(Caedmon 6 days old...do you love my pink whatever you call it? I'll thank Jessica Simpson for that trend. Oh and if you look close enough you'll see spit up on my shirt. Special.)
There are days when bedtime can't come soon enough. There are nights when the morning can't come quick enough. There are weekends when Monday seems like forever away {and not in a good way}.
And the catch, I only have a five and three year old. What am I going to do when they are 10 and 12? Or 17 and 15?
Seriously this parenting thing is hard. It seems to get harder every day. There is more to juggle; they get louder and needier and more independent {or so they think}.
My patience...well it seems to be disappearing faster than they are growing. I find myself giving more and more of myself and wondering if anyone appreciates it. All those college courses in Child Development and all those parenting books...useless. Once again, real life trumps print on a page.
My problem is that I've created this idea of how perfect of a parent I need to be; how I shouldn't forget that Caedmon needs to bring an empty shoe box to school on Monday or how I should want to read bedtime stories to my kids {rather than toss them in bed, kiss them and run like hell}. Throw a full time job in the mix and a husband who works a rotating shift and I'm constantly letting someone down. I do not like to disappoint.
Ironically, at the end of the day I find the person I've disappointed the most is myself.
Gracious, I'm all over the board on this one. :)
Anyway, if I could improve in one area it would to be a better parent; after all their futures are in my hands.
Anyway, if I could improve in one area it would to be a better parent; after all their futures are in my hands.
2 comments:
Don't we all? I hate it when I feel like I've let one of my kids down, but you're right..usually it's only yourself you've let down. It's hard being a parent, but at the end of the day, they give you nothing but love! (at least for now :) )
Dear Amanda,
As I read this I could only go back in time. Listenting to you and Jenny with your trials, tribulations, successes and failures as parents - with your self-expectations...I relate to all of them. I always felt my life had been put on hold and somewhere in the every day life of raising three daughters that I lost who I was as an individual, a wife, and a mother. And then add work, church responsibilies, maintaining friendships...WHEW! And at times I resented the fact I was not sure who I was and would I recognize me at the other end of the spectrum.
One day I awoke and I missed terribly those three little girls who had grown up and left our "never a dull moment" homelife. And I discovered that all of the things I struggled with made me into a newer and better persons... a more understanding one.
Remember if you did not care about your family that you would not have the guilt, feelings or the fear that continually to drive you through the difficult times. You are human and you will experience frustrations and ever emotion possible. But at the end of the day you care, you love them. Remember to love yourself and accept your own limits.
You are not alone in your struggles. You came by them honestly...I struggled (and continue to struggle) trying to be that perfect person. I still am a big people pleaser... but have learned that lots of time in pleasing everyone else I end up resenting the situation or become frustration more with me.
Be patient. Sadly, one day these days will be over and you will wonder where they went and miss them but will also learn what I already know and see....that each of my daughters are insightful, wonderful, loving, caring and very capable young women with lots of promise and more wisdom than they have any idea. I am proud of you (all of you) and as a mom take pride in the fact that I see each of you grounded in His love. All my love, Mom
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