YEAH GIANTS!!! We couldn't have asked for a better game. It was intense and well freaking awesome!
Next up- Caedmon is a freaking handful. I call this "2 kids, 1 parent..." Caedmon had already been bathed and dressed in his pajamas. It was Savannah's turn for the tub. While I was undressing her I hear a "splash" which sounded a bit like a toy car being thrown in the bath. When I got to the bathroom to check this is what I found:
I haven't posted a picture of Miss Savannah lately. She's just too freaking cute. I love her little cheeks and her sweet laugh. We went to a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Birthday party Saturday (Happy Birthday Mara)...
Now on to a more personal topic...Nicole. It's been 9 days since she died. 9 days....I've thought a lot about her since we said good bye. Work is miserably hard. The first day back was plain awful. I spend most of the day with my Ipod plugged in and sitting at my desk trying to limit any interaction with others. My thoughts about her death are all over the place. One minute I'm cold and think "I should turn my heater on" but then I think Nicole doesn't get to be warm why should I be. Or I think "I'm hungry - I should eat something," but then I think "why should I get to eat, Nicole doesn't."
Then my thoughts switch over to heaven....do people who commit suicide go to heaven? I discussed this for a while with a few different people..my conclusion - YES!
"There is no idication that the sin of suicide is any worse than any other sin. It is not in a special category of sin that can't be forgiven. When Jesus talked about the 'unforgivable' sin, he did not include suicide. Jesus said, 'And so I tell you every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the spirit will not be forgiven'. - Matthew 12:31
Suicide does not damn a person to hell anymore than a lie does or doubting God's love right before my plane crashes. Jesus clarified for Nicodemus that belief in Jesus is what counts. He tells Nicodemus, "Whoever believes in [God’s one and only son] is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son" (John 3:18). A person’s relationship to Jesus is what matters. And, based on the absence of any explicit statements about suicide, it seems that God will deal with an unconfessed and unforgiven sin like suicide as He does all other unconfessed and unforgiven sins such as jealousy, gossip, hatred, envy and sexual impurity." - Responding to Suicide, Karen Mason PhD
The above passage has helped me cope better with Nicole's passing. It's true she was not necessarily a believer in "God" the way I am. She believed more in an alternate dimension. In my head I have come to the conclusion that her "alternate dimension" is like my heaven.
If I knew how to link a blog entry to this post I would, but I don't. On Jan 23 I posted "Ramblings of a Pensive Momma"... call it foreshadowing or intuition or just plain strange- but I just wanted to answer a question I posted to myself. Having a tragedy happen to my family has not made me doubt my faith in God. If anything it's made it stronger. It has made me ask more questions that I never thought about before and it's made me want to further my journey as a Christian. I'm not saying that everyday will be a piece of cake, but for the most part- my God is a compassionate one and a forgiving one- and I just have to remember that.
I still have a lot of questions but I'm trying to be patient. In time we will receive the answers both in our hearts and in reality.
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